am wearing a new pair of shoes today,
not quite a new one, but this is the first time I wear them since I bought it last year.
and I just found tht, they are actually a little bit too tight
and start hurting my feet.
been looking for a pair of shoes,
I like those high heels, really high ones,
they are beautiful, but u can't really walk with them for long
I have a pair which I like much,
greyish green and match with my clothes well.
well.... all my clothes are black in color... I guess they easily goes with anything though..
but they are getting old.
with scratches all over.
I like them, but seems they are not nice at the outlook anymore..
its difficult to find a suitable pair.
beautiful and can walk with.
not too high, not too low
not too loose, not too tight
long lasting and won't hurt
where is that pair of shoes?
6.25.2009
our first project
GREEN LIGHTED
so excited!
but seems there are lots of work ahead waiting...
lots to learn
and tht should be FUN!
I wish... I can have 48 hrs a day (based on everybody else have 24, well I guess tht make sense, as if everyone else have 48hrs, tht would make no difference from now rite?)
so I can work hard, play hard, and SLEEP HEADER!
6.22.2009
Symbol in the story
Snakes – they are malicious creatures. This one might bite you just for fun…”
Rose - Flowers are weak creatures. They are naïve. They reassure themselves as best they can. They believe that their thorns are terrible weapons… …”
YSF - you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose… …”
Conclusion
The Little Prince has always been the book I loved most.
the paragraphs below were extracts from a humanity assignment
a course I took in the last year of my undergrad studies
knowing thyself and the meaning of life...
something I forgot long time ago....
now tht I can't read, I can't write, I can't think....
maybe I have already turned into a mushroom....
reality
The unconscious and consciousness – reality
The unconscious must be assumed to be the general basis of psychical life. The unconscious is the larger sphere, which includes within it the smaller sphere of the conscious.
What drives the tippler to keep on drinking?
“Why are you drinking”
“So that I may forget”
“Forget that I am ashamed”
“Ashamed of drinking!”
He was conscious or not when drinks? But everything conscious has an unconscious preliminary stage; whereas what is claim to be regarded as having the full value of psychical process.
The unconscious is the true psychical reality; in its innermost nature it is as much unknown to us as the reality of the external world, and it is as incompletely presented by the communications of our sense organs.
Truth
B612
This asteroid has only once been seen through the telescope. That was by a Turkish astronomer, in 1909. On making his discovery, the astronomer had presented it to the International Astronomical Congress, in a great demonstration. But he was in Turkish costume, and so nobody would believe what he said. Grown-ups are like that. Fortunately, however, for the reputation of Asteroid B612, a Turkish dictator made a law that his subjects, under pain of death, should change to European costume. So in 1920 the astronomer gave his demonstration all over again, dressed with impressive style and elegance. And this time everybody accepted his report.
Truth is not absolute. Truth is objective. It depends ridiculously on how people presented it.
The truth is but invisible.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Grown-up love figures, when you tell them that you have made a new friend. They never ask you any question about essential matters. They never say to you “what does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.
What are essential matters?
The proof of the Little Prince existed.
Children should always show great forbearance toward grown-up people.
But certainly, for us who understand life, figures are a matter of indifference.
mushroom
The scientific worldview and the meaning of life:
For reflective persons, the question of the meaning of life is unavoidable, Several dimensions of the question. Does a human being have a meaningful position in the whole universe? Is there any purpose for human existence? Are there objective values? Is the existence of human beings really worthwhile? And, How can a human being find deep and lasting satisfaction?
The men ……raise five thousand roses in the same garden, and they do no find in it what they are looking for.
Where can we find the basis for values and morality, and the meaning of life?
One common answer is hedonism and utilitarianism: since life has no inherent meaning, what we can do is to seek happiness as much as we can. This position is also far from satisfactory.
Men set out on their way in express trains, but they do not know what they are looking for. Then they rush about, and get excited, and turn round and round…
No one is ever satisfied where he is.
They have no roots, and that makes their life very difficult. In general, the problem of the naturalistic worldview is that is has dehumanizing tendency. e.g. Nietzsche’s superman and Nazism; Marx’s dialectic materialism and the oppression of communism.
Science alone does not seem able to offer a satisfactory answer to the question fo meaning. Moreover, popular extrapolations of the scientific worldview often deliberately exclude religious insights, and they tend to foster pessimistic or inadequate answer to the question of meaning.
The proof of somebody’s existence is not by the wealth he has, neither any physical measures nor room he takes. What makes human beings different from an animal or even a vegetable is that he thinks.
I know a planet where there is a certain red-faced gentleman. He has never smelled a flower. He has never looked at a star. He has never loved any one. He has never done anything in his life but add up figures. And all day he says over and over, just like you: I am busy with matters of consequence! And that makes him swell up with pride. But he is not a man – he is a mushroom!”
I think therefore I am, But of course, I am therefore I think.
Morality is a very important and obvious border between man and other creature and it is what Man become Man.
Freedom and will:
Men are born free, but everywhere they are in chains.
When a mystery is too overpowering, one dare not disobey.
People are too stubborn that they only believe what they see with their eye, but by the drawing of a sheep, the author tried to tell that imagination and creativity is more important.
… …I did my drawing over once more, but it was rejected, too.
What he draw was exactly the physical appearance of a sheep. But no matter what he draws, it is not what the little prince wanted. He was annoyed and he just draw a bos instead.
“This is only his box. The sheep you asked for is inside.”
But to his surprise, that was exactly what the little prince wanted.
“That is exactly the way I wanted it!”
Saint-Exupéry further discussed “freedom” by the drawing.
We loved to possess things and in the afraid of losing what we have, we try to hold it tide and even tie it. But we always forget that if one thing really belongs to you, it will forever be yours.
“… … if you are good I will give you a string, too, so that you can tire him during the day, and a post to tie him to.”
“Tie him! What a queer idea!”
For the little prince, to tie something is a weird idea,
“But if you don’t tie him, he will wander off somewhere, and get lost.”
“But where do you think he would go?”
“Anywhere, straight ahead of him… …”
“That doesn’t matter, where I live, everything is too small.”
And with perhaps hint of sadness, he added.
“Straight ahead of him, nobody can go very far… …”
It seems that people are trying to reach some place, however, the destiny is not clear and moreover, nobody can go very far. Though there is no string tying, people still cannot go far.
Absolute freedom means there are no restriction and one can do whatever he wanted. Nobody can restrict him from doing so.
However, there is no absolute freedom for man, we are all prisoners.
loneliness
Individual and the society – the private self and the public self:
At the age of six, I gave up what might have been a magnificent career as a painter. I had been disheartened…Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome or children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
All the time we try to fulfill expectations from our family, teachers, friends and whoever nearby, but have we ever asked ourselves what we expect ourselves to be? To prove that one existed, to know thyself and to be yourself.
People are living in solitude and loneliness. So, I lived my life alone, without anyone that I could really talk to, until I had an accident with my plane in the Dessert of Sahara, six years ago.
And where they live are dump and dull.
“What a queer planet!” he thought. “It is altogether dry, and altogether pointed, and altogether harsh and forbidding. And the people have no imagination. They repeat whatever one says to them… …”
The Little Prince describes his journey from planet to planet, each tiny world populated by a single adult. Each of us could be one of them. Isolation is the common disease of modern people. People talk to each other but they are not really communicating. People just live on their tiny little planet and all they care about are themselves. But to them, what they are busying with is the matter of consequence.
Lose of childhood, people are mature at their very early age, and they don’t have dreams and they don’t even know what dreams are.
What determine the difference between positive and negative? Human beings are meaning giving creatures; they search for meaning and value.
“The Little Prince”
I was trying to find some reference book for my classmate,
so I dragged out my old notes.
its always a funny process, revisiting my old writing....
and I found this book report.....
something I wrote at the age of 21
“The Little Prince” – a story about knowing thyself and meaning of life
The Little Prince is a book written by the French author, journalist, and pilot, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. From the outside it appears to be a simple children's tale. The Little Prince is actually a profound and deeply moving book written in riddles and laced with philosophy and poetic metaphors. The book was about self-realization and to knowing thyself.
For Saint-Exupéry, flying wasn't just piloting an airplane. It was also meditating, reflecting. During his missions, Saint-Exupéry thought deeply about solitude, friendship, the meaning of life, the human condition, and liberty. He published his reflections.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry first published The Little Prince in 1943, only a year before he vanished with his plane over the Mediterranean during a reconnaissance mission. More than a half century later, this fable of love and loneliness has lost none of its power. The narrator is a downed pilot in the Sahara Desert, frantically trying to repair his wrecked plane. His efforts are interrupted one day by the apparition of a little prince who asks him to draw a sheep and he started to make friend with the stranger.
6.11.2009
Nocturnes
I first learn about that in secondary schools
never had any feelings about them
who the hell is Chopin?
I only play Mozart in my piano lessons
Nouturne no.9
this song was most annoying to me, cos when it plays at the revision room, it means its time to go home
and I never can listen to it in peace, cos everyone was in a hurry
I wonder why they select this song anyway..
but when I revisited it again in my university studies
I can't help falling in love with noctures, the only sounds that give me peace
when I was feeling numb, when I was unhappy, when I was annoyed, when I was doubt, when I needed an answer and could find any, when I was struggling with the meaning of life, when my brain is not working any more....
for all the years I never really wanted to make any video, though tht's what I was major in.
these 3 songs were in my graduation video.
something speaks my mind....
6.6.2009
the world is small.............
smaller than you thought........
6.5.2009
dreams
been having lots of dreams for the past few months..
seldom remember what's the dreams about though
last nite was about a lot of things.
journey on a boat - water keep coming into the boat, when we arrive, two-third of the boat are in water, but its still going, without any sinking sign
camping - at home?!
sleeping in my living room, with my friends?!!?
meeting new freinds I don't really interested in knowing - with foreigners?!
maybe becos on the minibus journey I took home, those foreigners keep talking loud?!?!
scolding and swearing...
tht's not me, I seldom swear... that alot, and in front of lots of people..
but it happened in the dream...
don't argue with me before I go to sleep pls......
tht's tiring.... .. ....
5.22.2009
holiday......
2 weeks "holiday" will cease when my boss is coming back from Cannes....
if tht can be extended...
that would be jsut so nice......
5.21.2009
Little Girl
senses
getting on the mtr today I feel like crying
looking at the people coming in, my mind has flown up to somewhere up there...
walking along the subway, I was feeling strange
my long missing feeling for things has come back again...
last nite I was telling my friend I've been able to have more time to "think"
and he said I needed tht
I told him about the cats and the sushi I had
he said no worries if am happy with that
looking at the pack he prepared
I didn't tell, sure she will be glad to received them
I was looking for some candles but couldn't find them anywhere
it's been so long since I last seen them
been having dreams alot recently
tried hard to remember the dreams I had
I really couldn't recall other than the image before the alarm flash
what was tht abt?
looking at the screening, my tears feel like coming out agian......
is there anything wrong with me?
5.20.2009
a wider view
dig a dino
dig a hole!
5.15.2009
Tu es ma came
You are my drugs
My toxic, my supreme delight,
My appointment and my darling abyss
You do laugh at my sweet soul
You are my drugs
You are my kind of delight, program
I aspire I expire and I pame
I expect it looks like manna
You are my drugs
I love your eyes, your hair, your scent
Just so that I taste you that I'll smoke
You are beautiful my love, my anagram
You are my drugs
More deadly than Afghan heroin
More dangerous than Colombian white
You're my sweet solution to my problem
You are my drugs
Get all my sighs, my poems
For you all my prayers is the moon
Get my disgrace and my fortune
You are my drugs
When you go is hell and its fire
all my life, my skin you call
it looks like you flowing in my veins
I want you to sell the soul
at your feet I put my arms
You are my drugs
You are my drugs
5.8.2009
Movie 4.mov
5.6.2009
"jsut"
people ask me did I made the word on purpose?
um.... its jsut a typo... <-- see.... jsut again.....
my 4th finger on the left hand is acting faster than the 2nd one on the right....
tht's why....
I like the "quote"
"cuz I always knew you'll get it"
5.4.2009
jsut a song is enough
it's monday, again.
feel like time goes by quicker and quicker when I am getting older
I used to wish time to pass when I was younger..
it was like, when I was a kid....
sitting at home and watching tv....
I wish I have time for tv now.
I quit that for long.....
finally had my examination on thursday night
it was an open book exam and I prepared 16 pages of answer on A4 papers,
maybe I was too greedy.... should have prepared a shorter version....
anyway, didn't have enough time to "copy" all that I prepared on the exam paper.
had drinks with some classmates afterwards,
they are nice, but not that fun
but it's always nice to meet friends.
and again, I forgot to turn off the msn on my computer...
sorry my dear if I missed your messages......
I just managed to see them now.....
went to the beach on friday.
the weather was so good, and I should have brought my swim suit...
my lovely summer is coming.
so longing for that.
its time for the beach!!!!!
saturday was another day for country side visit.
next time I will wear long pants for hiking, hahaha....
had my hair cut yesterday.
first time falling asleep during the treatment....
read a book before I fell asleep though.
"he don't know how to answer, so when a friend tells him she was raped, he grabs his guiter and started to sing
he's better expressed thru his music"
tht sounds weird....
but sometimes, jsut a song is enough
4.19.2009
my green... on the other day...
4.18.2009
early bird...
get up to work!!!!!!!
4.2.2009
vanished~
my friends were telling me they got deleted from facebook.
that's interesting, becos I got deleted too.
I don't want to delete anybody from life
cos they are who make what I am now
in my old diaries
some pages were torn off
cos I don't wanna remember
but I regreted throwing those pages away
as i remember exactly what happened
its just the date and time being mixed up
if it happens to be unforgettable
3.14.2009
talking
i love listening to people
their thoughts, their experiences,
their thinkings, their attitudes
always think its wonderful how people look at certain things
why they do this or that
to meet someone is by fate
to learn how someone is, is by heart
3.9.2009
fate
the floor, the flat
the name, the horiscope
the act
same same same
3.8.2009
Circumstance will decide
3.5.2009
you know what I've been thru?
do you?
we have not been talking to each other since long ago.
if people are blaming u, try think about why?
the person I thought most understand me don't care a shit about me, so be it.
ringing u at the time we suggested to have dinner before, & asking u where r u is "pushing" and "making fun", then I can't agree with you more.
I don't have trouble asking my freinds who they're with, sorry if that troubles you so much.
that phone call. I should never have made. no worries, I won't be asking anymore.
thank you for everything.
2.25.2009
efficiency
MSN... is of very low efficiency... if I can talk to you on the phone.
yes, I am very stuborn.
2.20.2009
respect
to fail to keep a promise
is a kind of disrespect
I don't care how people treat me
doesn't mean I don't need any respect
and I can tell u
laughing it off the phone is very rude.
2.9.2009
sick, my soul
quite tired these days,
can't say I am exhausted,
but I haven't fallen asleep during movie for long.
probably becos haven't had enough sleep.
not quite a wise idea watching happy early plays instead of heading back to sleep
I like to get up early
the day will be longer
and more time to spend.
haven't been to running scene for so many years
I don't mind getting up early
like this kind of couraging scenes.
when all people so eager to go forward
at the starting point
I'd like to wait at the finishing point as well.
used to like taking pictures there
people are just so happy when they reach there
the moment of joy
the satisfaction on their faces
wanted to write, for long
hustle days
maybe i created a busy schedule
to much for myself to follow
just relize its already Feb 9th
I cannot tell whether I like it or not
always thinking of getting away from all these
to live an easy life
but I found myself quite enjoy taking every little steps
slow, but just these little bit by bit progress
was nice to be at premiere of claustrophobia
meeting all the people
was nice going back to sharing at BU
was nice getting involved in the 25th anniversary events for film workshop
going back to movie might or might not be a wise decision
but I like wht i'm doing now
who cares?
someone jsut told me
he got to leave for a while
be alone
I think this is a funny decision
to certain point, maybe I understand
its like seeing myself in the past years
a re-run
the emptiness
the numbness
the guilt feeling of
the nothing has been done
and the nothing can be done
people ask me why I treat a friend so good
I say don't be someone so close
cos I only treated friends so good
I try to figure out an answer for the question
and may I should say, I actually love to treat others good
I feel happy when I can help
and I feel good when I can give rather than taking instead
once you had my heart, you will always have it
but what is more true is, once u've given me your heart, even if that is the only once
I will never forget
and I don't mind if people treat me bad
I don't mind if someone lie if I will never know
but I do mind people not keeping their promises
the one and only one time
it's not about proving if you have or have not
its the heart
its something deep inside
and of cos, don't let me found out that you lied
I always believe there is a quota for everything
my quote for non-friends is absolute "zero"
for freinds
for the first time, it might be okay.
second time, I take it, but I will remember
third time, I better try not count
fourth time, fifth time...
its the feelings inside that you know, when the quota has been reached.
I tried so hard not giving out my heart
becos it hurts
my soul is sick again
lonely
what u prefer?
to get hurt
or
to bear the loneliness?
